


A Friend in Need is a Friend in Deed

by misura



Category: Quacks (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, M/M, Virgin William Agar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-16 00:53:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13043127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: John decides Something Must Be Done about William's upcoming nuptials.





	A Friend in Need is a Friend in Deed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [twizzle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twizzle/gifts).



William sighed. A real sweetheart, was William, even if he made things needlessly difficult for himself.

"Look," John said, "the problem, as I see it, is really very simple."

William looked at him with doe eyes. John decided that in all fairness, he couldn't blame whatever hoity-toity baroness or countess or whathaveyou for setting her sights on him.

"Simple?" William asked. "In what way?"

John shrugged. He'd considered giving those Brazilian leaves another go this afternoon, but he was glad now that he'd put it off. Some conversations, a man wanted to have a clear head for.

Besides, he was still feeling nice and floaty from that stuff he'd tried this morning.

"Simple," John repeated. "You can't say 'no'."

"I assure you, I can say 'no'," William said. "See? I said no just now. And then I did it again."

"Will." John put a hand on William's arm, all friendly-like. As friends did. "William. Would you like to go to bed with me?"

William stared at him. "I - how would _that_ help?"

John closed his eyes, allowing himself for a moment to drown in the salty seas of despair. A sweetheart, he reminded himself. A doe. Easy prey for the hounds and huntresses of this world. Really, John'd be doing him a favor. "Trust me," he said. "You'll understand, after. And feel loads better, too. Bet you haven't - you have _some times_ though, right?"

"Are you asking me if I'm a - " William blushed. It was adorable and a little sad. "If you must know, recently - very recently, I've - with a lady."

"Huh," said John. "Look at that. Good for you."

"Her wrist," William said. "And ... her ankle. Not directly on the skin, of course."

"Of course," John echoed, thinking quickly. Caroline? It sounded more likely than William's other admirer - and why was it always the shy ones who got the ladies panting after them, John would like to know. Seemed sometimes there was no justice in the world.

The Nicolas and Williams of the world married Lords and Ladies who loved them, and the rest of them poor schmucks were left to fend for themselves and spend their hard-earned money on prostitutes.

"Yes," William said. "So you see, I have - that is to say, I have not been lacking in - " he swallowed " - the reception of physical affection. Or sexual love, if you will."

"I have," John said. "Fact, I'm so lonely, it hurts. Literally hurts. So what say you we both get ourselves a bit of this or that, and you can help a friend out, hey?"

William hesitated. "I'm not sure that I want to be taking drugs just now."

"But you're up for the rest of it, aren't you?" John asked. "It'd mean a lot. Honest."

"I - " Willam's eyes were still very wide. "I suppose."

"Good man," John said.

 

"Despicable," Robert declared, not four hours and a considerable amount of drinks and drugs later.

"Well, I was making a point, wasn't I?" John said. "So what do you think? A discrete word to her ladyship suffice, or will we need to go less subtle than that?"

Robert's expression was vaguely distasteful. "Must we get involved at all? So he doesn't love her and will likely be miserable for the rest of his life if he marries her, so what? These things happen."

"Not to my mates, they don't," John said, then, reconsidering, he added, "Well, not while I can do something about it, anyway. You and Caroline - "

"Caroline and I are perfectly happy together."

"Exactly," John said. "Which same happy state, I'm sure, you would wish on our dear William. That being less than likely for the moment, I vote we tell the lady what's what. It'll be simple, it'll be elegant."

"Terrible idea," said Robert.

"You got a better one, I'm all ears."

"Hm." Robert furrowed his brow. "Surgical accident? I've been told some of the ladies can be quite put off by that sort of thing."

"You mean cut off his - " John considered.

"Well, it's not as if he's _using_ it," Robert said.

"Bit of a stain on your reputation though, isn't it? I mean, that'd be twice in what, two months?"

"Ah." Robert sighed. "Yes. You're right. I hadn't considered that particular aspect. Alas. Well, perhaps you might introduce him to some of your prostitute friends. Give him a nice sending off."

"Or, hear me out now, we got with what I like to call Plan C."

"Do I want to know?" Robert shook his head. "Don't. I know the answer. Fine. Enlighten me. But do keep in mind, please, that the preservation of my reputatuon is of the utmost importance."

John grinned.

**Author's Note:**

> next train wreck in 3, 2, 1 ...


End file.
